Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day II

Brendan spent the night with me Saturday night, so Brian and Melissa could have a date. They went with a couple of friends who were at the birthday party to dinner and Star Trek. The movie is really good, they said. I plan to see it here soon. They saw it at Opry Mills at the I-Max Theater and got the full effect, which was impressive. I'm glad they had a good time.

Brendan made some tissue-paper flowers at school he generously gave Mother and me.

They made those little casts of their hands at school to give their mothers. That was so sweet and brought back memories of when Brian did that. I need to give him the one he made, so they can display them together.

Brian found the perfect card that expresses just how he feels and how we are with each other. I'm proud of him that he chooses my cards himself instead of having his wife do it the way so many men do. I brought him up saying, "Don't be one of those men who ..." so he took my advice to heart and followed a lot of it. You're welcome, Melissa! I don't take all the credit for how he is because I had good material to work with. He's always been a wonderful person, was so easy to bring up, and has been the best part of my life. Loving my children feels like my heart opens into full-blossom. Then grandchildren do that again! It's incredible!

Kathy called and we had such a good conversation about how things were. She totally gets it and understands. As you know, I had to give her up for adoption because of the way society was in 1963. We really didn't have but two choices then - get married or give the baby up for adoption. Basically, what that boils down to is that I had to give away my baby because it would have made other people uncomfortable if I'd kept her. That's understating how it was then because getting pregnant out of wedlock was the worst thing a girl could do back then. Being an unwed mother was a much worse social stigma than being gay in the pecking order. That's how it is for them now. It makes others uncomfortable for them to have equality. In sociology, deviance is defined as not being part of the dominant culture. If people fight it and win, they are no longer deviant and become part of the dominant culture, thereby expanding it. If they lose, they are still a subculture and considered deviant (because it means to deviate).

We middle-class nice white girls were part of a huge baby mill that provided babies for people to adopt and monetary profit for someone. Yes, I'm bitter, but that's for another post. Mother's Day brings up many emotions for me.

I'm so thankful Kathy found me and blessed that she's part of my life now. We can talk about so many things and feel a connection. All those years I loved her and didn't have her with me are a sad reminder for us both, but we can talk about it and not talk because we can look at each other and know.


David Dust said...

Look how adorable the two of you are!!!

Auntie Flame, you are always so good about "counting your blessings" - something I need to do more of.


frogponder said...

I love a story with a happy ending.

Sylvia K said...

It's always good to be able to count your blessings! The two of you look wonderful! We did indeed live in a crappy era and it does make you wonder if people just have to have someone to hate or put down and it is so sad. Glad you were able to reunite! Great post! Thanks!

Dan said...

What a great picture Auntie Flame!
You are blessed!

Jimbo said...

That's a great picture of two beautiful, blessed women. (Sorry Dan, I stole your word!)

Forgive me, I must confess that I may be guilty of skimming and perhaps missed a previous discussion about Kathy. I was not aware of her until now but the story is both sad and happy and had a really fantastic outcome. How lucky for you both that you were able to reconnect.

Beth said...

oh Joy....what a beautiful picture and a beautiful post. This made me cry. Happy Endings ARE true!!! and you two look so. much. alike!!!! WOW!!!!

what a great story....and it didn't feel any different in 1982....

ZenDenizen said...

What a heartwarming post, I'm glad you were able to reunite!

Mark in DE said...

We can never change the past, but we can always appreciate the present.


Berry Blog said...

Very touching posts Joy. I wallowed in them and your goodness.

Anonymous said...

I, too, was pregnant and unmarried in 1978. I chose to keep my baby, but it was very difficult for me socially. Talk about stress!

Anyway, I married a fine man in 1980. He adopted my child, and we are all very happy. I now have 2 daughters, a granddaughter and a son-in-law. Glad that things worked out for us.

Ms. Moon said...

That is a beautiful story but I cannot imagine the pain you had to go through to get to the good place it is now.
Oh, bless you and bless all the mothers who have had to give their babies up for so many reasons.