DWTS

This is the first night of Dancing with the Dwarf Stars. For those of you not familiar with that expression, I started using it after Pluto was demoted to a dwarf planet. The stars on DWTS are not on the A-List, so therefore I renamed them. It's all fun for me.

I'll have to wait for photos to go with these descriptions because I can't find any good ones now. This first week I haven't gotten to know them very well, so I'm nice about them all until later.

For the first time, they have to do two dances the first week. Here they are with the dances each couple performed.

• Cody Linley, 18, actor, and two-time DWTS champ Julianne Hough

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 18

They're the youngest couple in the competition. He's really funny trying to focus on the dance instead of Julianne's hotness, as he said. He did well in places and moved well and was a little stiff part of the time. The judges told him he might need to control his energy. Read what you want into all this.

• Rocco DiSpirito, chef, 41, and Karina Smirnoff

Dance: Foxtrot
Score: 14

Well, he had a good time and enjoyed the dancing, and Karina has her work cut out for her. I realy like him and would enjoy having him stick around a while. Karina strained her ankle and had to change the routine a little.

• Toni Braxton, singer, 40, and season one DWTS champ Alec Mazo

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 22

Toni Braxton has that heart condition and is doing this to get over her fear. She was really out of breath, so we have one to worry about this time except that she's much nicer than Heather Mills. Alec is easy on the eyes, and they make a great-looking couple.

• Maurice Green, Olympic gold medalist track and field star, 34, and two-time DWTS champ Cheryl Burke

Dance: Foxtrot
Score: 18

He was enthusiastic and has potential, so we'll see what Cheryl can do for him.

• Brooke Burke, 36, TV personality, and Derek Hough

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 23

I didn't get this. They raved and said she did it all really well. I thought she was good and looks great but must have missed something.

• Ted McGinley, actor, 50, and Inna Brayer

Dance: Foxtrot
Score: 18

He admits that he isn't a dancer and seemed to have fun with it. The judges said he had style, elegance, good footwork, and potential. I enjoyed watching him. He's a lot of fun.

• Lance Bass, singer, 29, and Lacey Schwimmer

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 22

Len wanted more traditional, and Bruno and Carrie Ann thought it was edgy, modern, and NOW.
• Cloris Leachman, actress, 82, and Corky Ballas

Dance: Foxtrot
Score: 16

She was a hoot! Len said she acted a good dance and then asked her to move back because her cleavage was putting him off. Then he said he always wanted to be a toyboy and this might be his chance. (They say that instead of boytoy across the pond.) Cloris was beeped when he scores were announced but we could tell she called Len a bastard and Carrie Ann a slut. Tom said that's why he likes live television.

• Jeffrey Ross, 42, comedian, and Edyta Sliwinska

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 12

Jeffrey is the obligatory comedian on the show, and although he tried, he's not a dancer. Edyta won't be on very long, and he might have to come out on a unicycle if he can ride one. I don't think he'll be on long enough for that, though. The judges thought so, too.

• Kim Kardashian, TV personality, 27, and reigning DWTS champ Mark Ballas

Dance: Foxtrot
Score: 19

It's a far cry from Kristi Yamaguchi for Mark, but that's how it goes. Karina with Billy Ray Cyrus; Ashley DeGrasso with Master P. The judges said there was no chemistry and that she didn't move her head. She was sort of just there.

• Susan Lucci, Emmy-award winning soap opera actress, 61, and Tony Dovolani

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 15

Ordinarily she would be in the older category, but not with Cloris Leachman on here now. That said, she's still 61 and pretty stiff. She looks great and her face moves, but she didn't dance that well. She said she was really nervous.

• Misty May-Treanor, Olympic gold medalist beach volleyball player, 31, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Dance: Foxtrot
Score: 21

This was fun to watch. I cheered her on during the Olympics and thought she looked elegant and danced well. I hope they stay in until the finals. Len thought she did really well and gave her an 8; Bruno a 7; and Carrie Ann a 6.

• Warren Sapp, former NFL star, 35, and Kym Johnson

Dance: Cha-Cha
Score: 21

He's graceful and light on his feet and surprised everyone. The judges praised him and said he had fun and was entertaining.

Predictions: First to go will probably be Jeffrey Ross followed by Cloris Leachman. It's too soon to tell who will be in the finals. What do you think?